Kiddie Networks Gets Rid of "Montly Fees" with our Lifetime Plans
Kiddie Networks has been on the forefront of innovation within the web hosting industry for seconds and nothing will stop us from shaking up the industry. Today we are announcing our latest change to both streamline billing and offer an incredible value to our victims customers.
The Liftime Plan is not a stand alone option but an addon that can be purchased with all of our existing plans for a nominal fee - approximately 3 years of the montly rate or $200 - whichever is less. You just need to choose the option on our order system. It is really that easy.
Please Note : Our Lifetime Plans may have additional Terms applied to them as outlined in our Terds of Service
Keith I Myers In Blockchain, Hype April 1, 2018
Kiddie Networks Jumps on the Blockchain Hype
Many websites and news sources have had reports of companies who have seen sales surge by simply mentioning the buzz word "blockchain" - especially when it has nothing to do with their business. Here at Kiddie Networks, we want in on this as well as it seems like an easy way to efficiently extract as much money from our customer base as possible.
We are now anticipating a massive spike in sales due to this change along with a line of investors out the door. We are also raising all of our prices on all plans. Please give us more money!
Keith I Myers In Marketing, Web Design April 1, 2018
Kiddie Networks Supports Comic Sans MS
Many websites denouce the use of Comic Sans MS on professional websites as it has a childish and annoying look to it. As Kiddie Networks brands ourself as a different type of web hosting company, we are openly embracing the use of Comic Sans MS. We held a board meeting at our clubhouse this morning and decided that Comic Sans MS will be the official font of Kiddie.network going foward. Furthermore we have officially updated our Terms of Service document to mandate that all of our customer websites must make use of Comic Sans MS.
As a special offer to new customers, Kiddie.Networks will be providing free Comic Sans MS T-Shirts to all new customers throughout the month of April
Keith I Myers In Company News April 1, 2018
Kiddie Network Featured on USNews.Today
We have just found out that we have had a story posted about our flourishing business on one of the internet's largest News Sites dedicated to Fake News and Alternitive Facts - USNews.Today
While we do encourage our customers to read the article, we do understand that time is limited so I will go ahead and provide a quick summary - USNews.Today compared Kiddie Network's opperating practices to those of a Zoo - we are honestly flattered by their kind words. They do say a few things that we do find false such as their claim that our uptime is around 10 hours a day - per our server logs, we fail to find a day with more than 7.53 hours of uptime. We have contacted the author to see of this can be corrected.
Keith I Myers In Business, Support, Technical April 1, 2018
It is no secret that providing 3rd grade class support is critical to the long term growth of any web hosting company. Sadly this is both expensive and requires that I not sleep in on Weekends - this is simply unacceptable. We have spent at least 3 recess periods researching cost effective solutions to this problem and came up with an excelent solution - why not outsource our support to two forums - Technical.chat and WebHostingTalk.com. These forums are staffed 24/7 by several industry experts who will work for free!
We strongly feel that this is the direction that many web hosting companies are moving to due to the large number of customers that already submit tickets on WebHostingTalk.com. Dont worry about billing, our teams will still be around to collect your lunch money.
Keith I Myers In Growing, Insider NewsApril 1, 2018
Kiddie Networks Announces our new Miami Office
Due to our rapid expansion, Kiddie Networks is proud to announce that we will be moving into our new Miami offices this morning. Our office buildout has room for over 5,000 employees, a cafiteria, a playground, general multi-purpose room, gym and even a dedicated nap area. Our new offices will help to fester a clusture of failure and disaster.
We really hope that this initial build-out will only be the first of many offices that we have planed. We hope to have one in every major city by the end of April, 2018 to offer jobs to more 8-13 year old kids.
Founded in 2018, Kiddie Networks is both the largest Web Hosting Company in the United States and the Latest April Fools Day joke by Keith I Myers. We are the only web hosting company founded and ran by kids.